Airlock Confessions

Just when I’ve convinced myself
there’s no way all that’s going to flush down without
this toilet getting backed up and overflowing…
the plumbing gods accept the challenge without hesitation,
without much fanfare but
with a boisterous roar and
I’m proven wrong.

I’m always impressed when
a public toilet flushes with
a force rivaling the
opening of a spaceship’s airlock

If only Sears had applied the
same attentive zeal and resources
they summoned to secure these Herculean
porcelain demigods
(and with equal intensity)
toward improving their actual business model,
the company might not have gone out of business.
Instead they’ve managed to flush themselves,
with plenty of help.

Brandon Adamson is a writer who lives in Phoenix, Arizona and is the author of several books of poetry.

Two Truths and a Lie

If you came here looking for a party,
then you’re in luck.
I’m cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs
and
      I
          hate
            mucus

    so much.

Brandon Adamson is a writer who lives in Phoenix, Arizona and is the author of several books of poetry.

‘N Synchronicity

Admittedly, I’m skeptical of psionics and all the associated mumbo jumbo. I do find myself fascinated by it though, often hoping there might be something to it all, only to find myself constantly unpersuaded or unmoved (in the case of telekinesis) by what is put forward as evidence for the phenomena.

I’ve experienced something bizarre recently though which may or may not be worth investigating, yet I feel compelled to at least mention it. There’s a weird situation where some random person frequently tweets about all the same obscure subjects I do, usually around the same time but in a different context. This wouldn’t be all that unusual I guess, but the individual doesn’t follow me on twitter or even know me or interact with me. I don’t even really have anything in common with them. They’re not particularly close to my age.

I frequently tweet about Beverly Hills 90210, but shortly after I followed Jennie Garth on there, this girl made a tweet about how she was wondering if it was true she looked like Jennie Garth (I’m guessing she had probably used that popsugar app which says what celebs you look like.) Then she posted a pic of Jennie Garth with Brandon from 90210 (Jason Priestley) and said that’s her with her “future bf” or something. The reason it’s so odd is that I’m sure this girl has probably never watched the show (it’s before her time.)

Another time I tweeted about going to Denny’s, and a few hours later she tweeted about having gone to Denny’s at 3am. It’s not as if either of us have tweeted about going to Denny’s regularly. Maybe I’ve tweeted about it more recently but still only like 3 or 4 times in the 10 years.

In another instance, this person tweeted about Fat Bastard from the 2nd Austin Powers film shortly after I had just watched the movie for the first time in many years.

Another time this person tweeted about going to Jimmy Johns on the same day I had gone there. I frequently tweet about the gross sounds people make when they eat, and she would also tweet about that….

There are probably perfectly logical explanations for what I’ve described above:

1. Even though this person doesn’t follow me, they have looked at my account without my knowledge out of curiosity or something. This is entirely possible.

2. It may purely be coincidence that this person frequently tweets about the same things on the same days I do.

3. Confirmation bias. After accidentally noticing a couple of coincidences, I only start looking for those and ignoring everything else.

4. My own creepified personality and overactive imagination reading too much into things.

This isn’t about anyone that I have any romantic or sexual interest in. Just an ordinary person whom on an a banal level amounts to a passing curiosity (aka they post funny tweets.)

The reason this dubious situation has piqued the interest of my inquiring mind wanting to know though is that it makes me wonder if on some level it could theoretically be possible to be on the same “wavelength” (whatever that means) as someone, and if it’s possible, I’m intrigued about how it could possibly work. If I could figure that out, then rather than it being a seemingly random, novel phenomenon it could be a tangible instrument which could be harnessed, controlled and directed. For that to happen, I’d have to decipher what is actually physically transpiring so that I could potentially replicate it. Of course, I don’t really believe there is any “psychic power” or genuine telepathic effect here. It’s most likely just magical or wishful thinking. Even if it’s just a strange coincidence though, that in itself would have associated probabilities and an equation to go along with it. Understanding all of the ingredients which go into creating the climate for a such a coincidence to occur could lead to a deeper intuition and maximizing one’s odds of being able to affect these events in a more targeted and deliberate fashion.

Brandon Adamson is a writer who lives in Phoenix, Arizona and is the author of several books of poetry.

Temple For a Sky King

Why? Because sometimes, you have an idea, and you just have to follow through with it. No matter how outlandish or pointless it may be, sometimes you’re compelled to see a journey through to the very end. You see an opportunity, and you’ve gotta seize the day.

They Live in Scottsdale

While taking a leisurely stroll through a crowded Fashion Square Mall, I spotted some corporate lizard people propaganda that was straight out of They Live. Of course, it should go without saying that the sort of place which puts out this kind of message is almost certainly a terrible place to work. If one were to open that door, what they would likely find on the other side would appear to be a utopia, the perfect workplace environment, and yet beneath the surface all would not be as sparkly as it seems. [By the way, the photograph above is not some conceptual art installation at a pop up gallery or “street art” as social commentary. It is a 100% real and unironic message from a corporation.]

Walk through that door, and you may be greeted by a sight of beauty which thinly conceals unspeakable horrors: “Unlimited time off!” (but when the time arrives and you actually put in a request for a day off it is always denied, or your sales quota is so high or client workload so heavy that to even consider taking a day off would place your job security in serious jeopardy.) “Fully stocked kitchen!” They give you snacks to fatten you up like Hansel and Gretel, while offering other meaningless perks as a substitute for paying you higher wages. “Full medical, vision, and dental coverage!” (except that the plan has a high deductible, and you may have to fork over thousand of dollars of your own money for medical expenses before anything at all is paid. Or, perhaps it is a great plan, but most employees simply get fired within the first three months anyway, so you’ll be left with no insurance before you know what hit you.)

It could be that I’m overly cynical, and that beyond that door lies an office paradise. Perhaps the visionary young millennial CEO has managed to catch lightning in a bottle, creating an ethical workplace which embodies the lofty humanitarian ideals which could revolutionize the way we view the concept of work itself and maybe even change the world in the process! It might be an amazing place to work for a couple of salad years before the investor funding starts to run out, and the company has to cut salaries and have a few rounds of layoffs after discovering that hype, prestige and a noble mission statement didn’t translate into profits (except for the CEO and top executives who will have pocketed enough cash to remain wealthy regardless of the outcome.) Then you can be escorted out the door by security, and you’ll be free to move on to the next exciting opportunity.

Brandon Adamson is a writer who lives in Phoenix, Arizona and is the author of several books of poetry.