The Platinum Plated Toilet

The video appears to have been filmed at the Louvre Museum. It features a lot of Renaissance paintings in the background, such as the Mona Lisa. I don’t recognize many of the other paintings by name, but I did notice the well-known Hellenistic sculpture called “Winged Victory of Samothrace,” which makes frequent appearances throughout the video. I’m talking of course, (I don’t blame you if you’re lucky enough to have no idea) about the video for the song APESHIT, from “The Carters” (the name for Beyonce and Jay-Z’s musical twosome.)

It can be difficult to interpret all the meanings and symbolism, because there is a lot going on. However, I can detect political, racial and historical themes intertwining with one another. By placing themselves in the museum among works by the great masters, on some level they’re making a statement as if to say that they (as artists and as blacks) have finally made it and earned their place among the greats. In that sense, “The Carters” almost seems reminiscent of The Jeffersons tv show, which featured a successful black family living in Manhattan’s upper east side. The theme song spoke of “movin on up,” and how they’ve finally “got a piece of the pie” (in spite of all the historical obstacles.) “The Carters” strikes me as a contemporary musical or artistic version of The Jeffersons, minus any the show’s affably authentic charm. Beyonce and Jay-Z see themselves as belonging in this museum, without really appreciating what the works in it represent.

What I like about the video is the cinematography. It’s beautifully shot, and there is a lot of well choreographed dancing. I think what I find abhorrent about the video though is the way Beyonce and Jay-Z seem to equate “making it” or artistic status with riches and superficial materialism (conveyed through the lyrics) as opposed to higher abstract thought, spirituality, humility, craft and the pursuit of understanding something greater than oneself. There’s a lot more to the old masters than simply being rich and famous (many were probably not even particularly wealthy in their lifetimes.) Regardless of money and album sales, there is also something inherently low class and hubristic about self-appointing yourself to this level of prestige. Is autotuned pop music with vapd lyrics really at the same level of Michelangelo or The Head of an Oba? Not in my opinion (which is entirely subjective.) Just because you have enough money to rent out the museum to film a music video doesn’t mean your work belongs there. It reminds me of the wealthy businessmen that paid Andy Warhol to do their portraits. Admittedly, this is a somewhat ethnocentric view on my part, since if I had been in the shoes of those historically denied opportunities, I might certainly value and elevate different attributes. If my view is ethnocentric though, then I would argue that so is theirs.

Airlock Confessions

Just when I’ve convinced myself
there’s no way all that’s going to flush down without
this toilet getting backed up and overflowing…
the plumbing gods accept the challenge without hesitation,
without much fanfare but
with a boisterous roar and
I’m proven wrong.

I’m always impressed when
a public toilet flushes with
a force rivaling the
opening of a spaceship’s airlock

If only Sears had applied the
same attentive zeal and resources
they summoned to secure these Herculean
porcelain demigods
(and with equal intensity)
toward improving their actual business model,
the company might not have gone out of business.
Instead they’ve managed to flush themselves,
with plenty of help.

Brandon Adamson is a writer who lives in Phoenix, Arizona and is the author of several books of poetry.

Two Truths and a Lie

If you came here looking for a party,
then you’re in luck.
I’m cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs
and
      I
          hate
            mucus

    so much.

Brandon Adamson is a writer who lives in Phoenix, Arizona and is the author of several books of poetry.

‘N Synchronicity

Admittedly, I’m skeptical of psionics and all the associated mumbo jumbo. I do find myself fascinated by it though, often hoping there might be something to it all, only to find myself constantly unpersuaded or unmoved (in the case of telekinesis) by what is put forward as evidence for the phenomena.

I’ve experienced something bizarre recently though which may or may not be worth investigating, yet I feel compelled to at least mention it. There’s a weird situation where some random person frequently tweets about all the same obscure subjects I do, usually around the same time but in a different context. This wouldn’t be all that unusual I guess, but the individual doesn’t follow me on twitter or even know me or interact with me. I don’t even really have anything in common with them. They’re not particularly close to my age.

I frequently tweet about Beverly Hills 90210, but shortly after I followed Jennie Garth on there, this girl made a tweet about how she was wondering if it was true she looked like Jennie Garth (I’m guessing she had probably used that popsugar app which says what celebs you look like.) Then she posted a pic of Jennie Garth with Brandon from 90210 (Jason Priestley) and said that’s her with her “future bf” or something. The reason it’s so odd is that I’m sure this girl has probably never watched the show (it’s before her time.)

Another time I tweeted about going to Denny’s, and a few hours later she tweeted about having gone to Denny’s at 3am. It’s not as if either of us have tweeted about going to Denny’s regularly. Maybe I’ve tweeted about it more recently but still only like 3 or 4 times in the last 10 years.

In another instance, this person tweeted about Fat Bastard from the 2nd Austin Powers film shortly after I had just watched the movie for the first time in many years.

Another time this person tweeted about going to Jimmy Johns on the same day I had gone there. I frequently tweet about the gross sounds people make when they eat, and she would also tweet about that….

There are probably perfectly logical explanations for what I’ve described above:

1. Even though this person doesn’t follow me, they have looked at my account without my knowledge out of curiosity or something. This is entirely possible.

2. It may purely be coincidence that this person frequently tweets about the same things on the same days I do.

3. Confirmation bias. After accidentally noticing a couple of coincidences, I only start looking for those and ignoring everything else.

4. My own creepified personality and overactive imagination reading too much into things.

This isn’t about anyone that I have any romantic or sexual interest in. Just an ordinary person whom on an a banal level amounts to a passing curiosity (aka they post funny tweets.)

The reason this dubious situation has piqued the interest of my inquiring mind wanting to know though is that it makes me wonder if on some level it could theoretically be possible to be on the same “wavelength” (whatever that means) as someone, and if it’s possible, I’m intrigued about how it could possibly work. If I could figure that out, then rather than it being a seemingly random, novel phenomenon it could be a tangible instrument which could be harnessed, controlled and directed. For that to happen, I’d have to decipher what is actually physically transpiring so that I could potentially replicate it. Of course, I don’t really believe there is any “psychic power” or genuine telepathic effect here. It’s most likely just magical or wishful thinking. Even if it’s just a strange coincidence though, that in itself would have associated probabilities and an equation to go along with it. Understanding all of the ingredients which go into creating the climate for a such a coincidence to occur could lead to a deeper intuition and maximizing one’s odds of being able to affect these events in a more targeted and deliberate fashion.

Brandon Adamson is a writer who lives in Phoenix, Arizona and is the author of several books of poetry.

Temple For a Sky King

Why? Because sometimes, you have an idea, and you just have to follow through with it. No matter how outlandish or pointless it may be, sometimes you’re compelled to see a journey through to the very end. You see an opportunity, and you’ve gotta seize the day.